Published on September 5th, 2013 | by Quintin Carmody
Steam Sale Enters Eighth Consecutive Week
The United Nations Security Council has unanimously passed Resolution 2254, declaring sanctions against Valve Software for its ongoing Steam Summer Getaway Sale, which has now entered its eighth week. The sale, offering deep discounts on both critically acclaimed classics and recently released hits, is being held responsible for disrupting an already shaky global market and plunging the world into economic turmoil.
Today marks the eighth week since Valve Software’s annual Steam Summer Sale began on July 11, and while specific numbers have not been released it is now assumed that over 80% of the world’s trade now goes through the ubiquitous digital distribution service.
As no food, money, nor aid was previously sent to Valve by the U.N., the sanctions passed today are considered largely ceremonial, and are not expected to deter the company from providing up to 85% off AAA blockbusters and indie darlings alike.
“We were given a timetable, and that timetable has fallen through.” Spoke White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, visibly shaken, at a conference earlier this morning. “We implore Mr. Newell to honor the promise he made to the world and finally put an end to these fantastic savings.”
When asked about a military solution, Carney responded “At this point, all options are on the table.”
The President has not been available for public comment since Civilization 5 went on sale July 16th.