Lifestyle Episode VII

Published on May 13th, 2014 | by Burt Stone

Star Wars Episode VII Premise Leaked

With the announcement of the cast for Star Wars Episode VII unveiled, only a few questions remained; the primary being what the episode’s plot would be. We were shocked when an insider gave us some of the plot points that director J.J. Abrams supposedly suggested. We were even more shocked to hear Disney agreed and gave Abrams the go ahead.

“Fans of the original Star Wars movies are too old now. They’ve simply lost interest in the franchise,” our insider tells us. “In order to direct the movie for a younger generation, Abrams suggested a couple of things… starting with the removal of Lando.” Our source informs us that while some of the original cast had to return in order to keep the film canon, the most loved character from the original trilogy, Lando Calrissian (played by Billy Dee Williams), had to be cut. “Removing Lando from the movie will take away all desire for the older generation to see the film. It’s clear he was the most well loved character of the movies, considering there is a cult dedicated to him going by the name of ‘The Lando Society‘. We can’t find any ‘Han Societies’ or ‘Chewbacca Cultists’ so its blatantly obvious that Lando had to go.”

As if the removal of Lando wasn’t enough, the basic premise of the movie left us flabbergasted. While Luke, Leia, Han, and the rest of the original trilogy crew will have appearances in the movie working to rebuild the Jedi Order, “the main plot will focus around Jar Jar Binks. His cuteness and ability to incite love from the audience made him a perfect candidate to be the face of the new generation of Star Wars. Additionally his story is largely unexplored after Episode III. What happened To Jar Jar and the rest of the Gungans? That’s what you’ll have to wait and see.”

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About the Author

Burt Stone

Burt Stone is a man with two simple goals: provide the most important news to viewers, and have great facial hair. This die hard Star Wars fan boy currently lives in the basement of his parents house and survives solely on Taco Bell and Mountain Dew.

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